no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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