He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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