my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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