i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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