the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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