i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize