so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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