I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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