I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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