Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize