I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize