I cannot find my penis.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize