I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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