Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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