I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize