JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize