i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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