My cat gives me a boner
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize