I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize