Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom said you looked used
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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