I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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