I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize