I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh god it's open bar.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
