i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
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Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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