3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize