How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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