Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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