I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
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At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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