Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize