I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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