whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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