Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
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Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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