And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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