dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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