my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
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If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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