that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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