Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize