Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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