so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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