I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize