Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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