First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
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It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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