I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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