You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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