You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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