His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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