Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
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You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
COCAINE IS GR8
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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