So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
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Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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