found the other keg... it's in the tree
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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