I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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